God has been broken

I was reading in Ezekiel again today. The first part of the book is talking about God's judgement on the sin and idolatry of Israel. I was particularly struck by a part of chapter 6, verse 9:

"...I have been broken over their whoring heart that has departed from me and over their eyes that go whoring after their idols."

There were three things here which really caught my attention, and kept it throughout the day.

Firstly, God uses some pretty strong language to describe Israel's idolatry: it's whoredom. Promiscuity at its dirtiest and its worst. This is what idolatry is, plain and simple.

Secondly, idolatry breaks God. I don't know what that looks like, for God to be broken, to have His heart crushed. I'm not sure that I can fit that kind of thing into my puny theological framework. But God is saying this about Himself here, so whatever it is, it's true. And it sucks. Idolatry breaks God... and that sucks.

Thirdly, Israel was no worse than I am. Sure, their idols might have been more concrete than mine, but look at the simple language that's used here... a heart that has departed from God?... eyes which turn away from God and onto other things? That's me. That's what I do. That's my M.O., as a sinner. I can easily be a whore, just like Israel was.

...but that's not where the story ends, thanks be to God!

The Lord has already poured out His wrath against my idolatry on His own Son. Because of this sacrifice, He has removed my heart of stone and given me a heart of flesh (11:19), He has become my God (11:20), He has atoned for all that I have done (16:63), He has redeemed me for His name's sake (20:44), and He has put His Spirit in me and raised me from the dead (37:13-14), He has established an everlasting covenant of peace with me (37:26), and He has become my inheritance (44:28).

Cozy Theory Into Troubling Experience

Paul had heard horror stories about sin all his life. He had seen countless bony fingers waving in his face to warn him of sin's power. But in Romans 7:21 he moved from cozy theory into troubling experience: he found this law. It is one thing to sit in a group and critique dissertations on original sin; it is something else to find yourself subdued by its strength and madness. It is one thing to listen to a lecture about AIDS - how it spreads, what it does to a body, how invincible it is; it is another thing to hear your doctor say to you, "HIV- positive - I'm sorry."

-Kris Lundgaard, "The Enemy Within: Straight Talk About the Power and Defeat of Sin"

An addition to Jesus?

Please read this thoughtful and convicting post that my pastor linked in his blog.

Brothers and sisters, it's hard for me to know what is in my own heart. I know that, at this very moment, there is stuff lurking in there that, if I could get even a dim glimpse of it, I would cringe with horror. The closer I draw to Christ, the more I want to cry out with Isaiah, "Woe to me! I am ruined!" The more I understand and grow to love Jesus, the more I understand that what He truly did for me once and for all was something that I could never do for myself.

I believe in the Doctrines of Grace, and I follow the doctrinal convictions that Martin Luther confessed during the reformation of the Church. It is in this sense that I am what may be unfortunately labeled as a "Reformed Christian". But I want to confess to you that what pastor Ortlund is talking about in his post has lurked in my heart from time to time in the past... and may lurk there still. I am sorry, and I would ask for your forgiveness if I have treated you in a way that is not glorifying to Christ, or have made you feel that I have placed a barrier between you and myself because of doctrine.

This is why I no longer discuss doctrine with many. But the times when I cease to put into words how I feel may be the most dangerous, for even if my heart no longer makes itself be heard, it may still grow in silent ways away from a faith that places Christ completely in the center, where only He should be. If my heart is still harboring these thoughts without my knowledge, I am sorry, and I ask that God would graciously continue to refine my heart.

But Christ truly is deeper still, and it is the work and glory of Christ that is at the center of my faith, just as He was at the center of Brother Martin's faith and his reformed view of the Church.

Christ... and nothing else. Amen.

Recognition of a need for a Savior

I was converted by seeing a man executed; for, thought I, if a man be thus punished with death for breaking one of the laws of men; what do I then deserve, who have broken all the laws of God?

-Anonymous, telling the story of his conversion, in A Lifting up for the Downcast, by William Bridge

Conviction

Wow... today was a day of heavy conviction for me.

We had one of those fire-and-brimstone, "you're going straight to Hell because you listen to rock and roll music" preacher types come to our campus today. As I usually do, I joined the crowd, hoping to engage in discussion with those who were also there to listen.

In short time, a couple of people near me started talking to each other, and some dialogue broke out; I decided to join in as the group grew larger. At first, I stayed mostly silent, but interjected here and there. Soon, my points turned from being based in Scripture to being formed through logic. Soon after that, my arguments ceased altogether. The two other Christians who were in the group were able to answer objections in a reasonable manner, using much Scriptural support when appropriate; in short, they were "prepared to make a defense to anyone who ask[ed them] for a reason for the hope that is in [them]" (1 Peter 3:15). It quickly became evident to me (and perhaps, sadly, to others) that I could not do the same.

During this time, a friend of mine had called me, so afterwards, I returned her call, and told her about what had happened.

I told her, "I don't know. It just feels as if I've spent too much time... I don't know..."

To which she responded, "Preaching Calvinism, and not the Gospel?"


Ouch.


I say "ouch" not because I feel that this statement was unwarranted, but - on the contrary - because this has been weighing heavily on my heart lately. And I realized today that, if pressed, I would be able to give a more intelligible and convincing argument for the tenants of Reformed doctrine than for the basis of my own faith. This should not be so!!

This is not to say that God is "in need" of our help to defend His holy name, nor that apologetics is the only way to evangelize (certainly not!), nor even that we should have an answer for every question that is asked, but when we are told in Scripture to "always be prepared to make a defense"... shouldn't we be prepared with something?

Also, this is not to say that I believe that studying theology is wrong (again, certainly not!), but as I think back on my efforts spent in seeking out discussion of my faith recently, I am saddened that I have spent more time trying to reveal to other Christians the Scriptural and logical evidence for what I believe to be certain theological truths (as wonderful a blessing as they may be!) than pointing unbelievers toward the glory of Christ and His sacrifice on the cross.

Thankfully, we serve a God of absolute grace, who is slow to anger and rich in love (Psalm 145:8). He is also generous enough to gently rebuke us when we err, compassionately revealing to us our sinfulness, that He might purify our hearts. Therefore, I do not cringe at this conviction, but rather embrace it, and thank God for it.

Please be praying for me, that God would be working His refining fire in me, cleansing my heart of all unloving and unrighteous grime that might be lining it. And pray that He would glorify Himself in my life!

Still Pursued

I wasn't planning on posting today, but...

One of the ideas behind starting this blog was to show those who do not profess Jesus Christ as their Lord that those who do, Christians, do not - contrary to popular opinion - believe that they are perfect. No... we know that we are not perfect, and are reminded of it constantly as we pass through our sinful days.

I think that one of the reasons why some unbelievers view Christians as considering themselves perfect is that many of us are not willing to be upfront about our sins... even with other Christians. Sin is easily perpetuated even among a fellowship of believers when Joe Christian is hesitant to confess to Bob Christian about his sins, because Bob has never told Joe about his own, and therefore, Joe believes that Bob is perfect... or at least "better" than himself.

Whew! What a mess...

Yes, it is true that there are differences among Christians with regard to the good fruit that is produced in their life; the sanctification processes takes a long time, and we can find different Christians at different points in this processes. The fact remains, however, that we are all sinful, no matter how long we have been walking with our Lord. If we do not let the light shine in dark places, the dark places, my friends, will remain dark.

Therefore, in order that light be shone in dark places, for my own edification, as well as to edify the brothers and sisters who read this, I confess that I am still sinful... yet still pursued.

Today has been a hard day for me. There are two reasons I see which have made this so:

Firstly, in spite of my own post from yesterday afternoon, I fell into the trap of sin yesterday evening; I was tempted by the evil one, and I gave in to his wooing. This failure has affected me today, and I've had to turn over in my mind why this is so. I have confessed this sin to God, and have asked for forgiveness in His Son's holy name, and I know that I have received that forgiveness; I was forgiven 2000 years ago. This lingering feeling, then, is it worldly guilt, which keeps me from moving forward by the power of the Spirit which works to sanctify me? Or is it a hate for all things evil, an abhorrence of the fact that the flesh still remains in me, and will remain until that blessed day when I see my Savior face to face? I pray that it be the latter.

Secondly, I have recently come to the realization that a thing which I have sought after may be well outside my reach. This disappoints me. Disappointment is a natural reaction to such a realization, and I do not believe that there is anything sinful in it. However, I am currently fighting off the urge to be not just disappointed... but disheartened. Again, this is a topic which I have very recently discussed in a previous post. I can post about it one day, and forget it the next! Caedmon's Call nailed it: "My faith is like shifting sand, changed by every wave."

As I read through a couple more sections of Psalm 119 today, I was first convicted, then comforted, by my ever-loving Father:

My eyes fail from searching Your word, saying, "When will You comfort me?" (v. 82)

As I read this verse, I can't help but laugh at the semantic and syntactic shift that my own faithless heart takes upon it:

"My eyes fail to search Your word, and yet I say, "When will You comfort me?"

The second half of the Caedmon's Call song gives me an answer to this problem: "My faith is like shifting sand, so I stand on grace."

My comfort is found as the psalmist continues:

Forever, O Lord, Your word is settled in heaven. Your faithfulness endures to all generations; You established the earth, and it abides. (vv. 89-90)

God is faithful. I need not fear my flesh, for God has promised that it has no power over me. I need not fear my future, for God has promised that He has plans to prosper me and to give me hope; He has ordained my life... even before I had life.

Therefore, my prayer to You, my Father in Heaven, takes on the words of the psalmist in verse 88:

Revive me according to Your lovingkindness, so that I may keep the testimony of Your mouth.