Conviction

Wow... today was a day of heavy conviction for me.

We had one of those fire-and-brimstone, "you're going straight to Hell because you listen to rock and roll music" preacher types come to our campus today. As I usually do, I joined the crowd, hoping to engage in discussion with those who were also there to listen.

In short time, a couple of people near me started talking to each other, and some dialogue broke out; I decided to join in as the group grew larger. At first, I stayed mostly silent, but interjected here and there. Soon, my points turned from being based in Scripture to being formed through logic. Soon after that, my arguments ceased altogether. The two other Christians who were in the group were able to answer objections in a reasonable manner, using much Scriptural support when appropriate; in short, they were "prepared to make a defense to anyone who ask[ed them] for a reason for the hope that is in [them]" (1 Peter 3:15). It quickly became evident to me (and perhaps, sadly, to others) that I could not do the same.

During this time, a friend of mine had called me, so afterwards, I returned her call, and told her about what had happened.

I told her, "I don't know. It just feels as if I've spent too much time... I don't know..."

To which she responded, "Preaching Calvinism, and not the Gospel?"


Ouch.


I say "ouch" not because I feel that this statement was unwarranted, but - on the contrary - because this has been weighing heavily on my heart lately. And I realized today that, if pressed, I would be able to give a more intelligible and convincing argument for the tenants of Reformed doctrine than for the basis of my own faith. This should not be so!!

This is not to say that God is "in need" of our help to defend His holy name, nor that apologetics is the only way to evangelize (certainly not!), nor even that we should have an answer for every question that is asked, but when we are told in Scripture to "always be prepared to make a defense"... shouldn't we be prepared with something?

Also, this is not to say that I believe that studying theology is wrong (again, certainly not!), but as I think back on my efforts spent in seeking out discussion of my faith recently, I am saddened that I have spent more time trying to reveal to other Christians the Scriptural and logical evidence for what I believe to be certain theological truths (as wonderful a blessing as they may be!) than pointing unbelievers toward the glory of Christ and His sacrifice on the cross.

Thankfully, we serve a God of absolute grace, who is slow to anger and rich in love (Psalm 145:8). He is also generous enough to gently rebuke us when we err, compassionately revealing to us our sinfulness, that He might purify our hearts. Therefore, I do not cringe at this conviction, but rather embrace it, and thank God for it.

Please be praying for me, that God would be working His refining fire in me, cleansing my heart of all unloving and unrighteous grime that might be lining it. And pray that He would glorify Himself in my life!